You ever have one of those days when you just don't know who you are?
Part of you just really wants to give it all up, kick it in and have a break from all this thinking and just live.
The other part knows that's no bloody option because it simply won't get you where you want to go. Stopping means going backwards and you've worked too hard and too long to do that again.
What does it mean for me today?
That my next meal will be better than my last, I will get on that cross trainer and work my heart out and I will make every minute of the rest of today count. Is it going to be easy? NO it's 5pm and 40 degrees in the shade. My body's history and I guess my subconscious says, stuff everything else, stay cool, do nothing, eat. GRRRRR I don't want to do that, that get's me no where I want to be like it has for most of my life.
Right this minute I am going to finish this, meal plan for the week, get tonights dinner under way (packed with vegies 'cause I really feel like I need them), exercise plan, do some yard work (now it's cooling down SLIGHTLY), work out and then do my favourite thing at the moment and water my garden.
I KNOW my body can do this, it's my darn head i need to get working in the right direction again for prolonged periods, I know I have it generally going but it's had a melt down the last couple of days.
I will get stuck back into my pride scale this week (I have been doing it but half heartedly) and I will write tomorrow about what that is.
And I will be honest. I have issue with weekends. It feels like a total cop out to admit but it's the truth, I even know it's not un common, but I just have to get them under control. They are the soft spot in my week where my brain seems to think it's okay not to care as much and even if nothing drastic happens (weight wise) I still don't feel right because I haven't felt in control (control issues as well, huh?). I think I know where it comes from, but I will get into that later too, right now I need to do, not just write I'm afraid.
CJ
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I know you can do it, too. You can tell a lot about a person from their writing and it's easy to see that you are a success story in the making.
ReplyDeleteI know it gets frustrating and it sounds like you've been on a rough patch lately. But. You also sound wonderfully determined.
I'll be cheering you on.^^