Un-realistic goals

I had a little bit to work through Sunday and Yesterday (I know, I always seem like I'm having to work through something) but this is good stuff I promise.

I write in a normal diary more regularly than here but this is verbatim what I wrote yesterday.

23.2.09
A new day has damned. Maybe I'm older and wiser, some might see me as a cop out, but here it is.

After setting the K.O.L (kings of leon) challenge, another in a long list of challenges (that I haven't met) I am sitting at the end of the first week, 40mins of cross trainer every day, up to points 5 out of seven days with the other two totalling 3 over (well within exercise earned), conscious of water the whole time. I have not lost 1.6kgs, no where near, i haven't done my final weigh in yet but I imagine a few hundred grams lost.

My Change in thinking.
A few hundred grams will not get me the K.O.L challenge but it is getting me somewhere. More importantly, even if I never weighed again, keeping on with 40mins of exercise per day, eating to points and drinking at least six glasses of water makes me a healthier person everyday.

If I want to be around longer for Poppy, then this is how I do it.

If I want to avoid nasty illness such as diabetes, then this is the way to do it.

It is not a race and it boils down to being for no one else but myself so setting goals that I can't make happen is setting myself up for disaster, and pain, and misery.

I am putting serious thought into putting the scales away after weigh in today and maybe only getting on once a week. The number on the scales is not really what feels good. If they were saying 90 something to me right now, I'd still feel uncomfortable and bloated and tight in clothes.

So maybe that's what I should be focusing more on, feeling more comfortable in my own skin, being happier in my own head and getting on with living instead of having a mentally configured weight that I'll be happy at.

I've just weighed in at 103.9, a loss of 700g and I have put the scales away. I do not need them, i only need to be proud of me every day and I will be getting healthier everyday.

Okay, so I'm not very poignant when writing in my diary and I could have said that a lot quicker, but I just wanted to be open about my line of thought.

Various people have been on my back about getting rid of the scales in between weigh ins, I actually did stop for almost two weeks for one of them. But it was never for me, I thought very honestly that they were helping, I know there may be some people who read this (as I've read others) and think oh, another one that's joined THAT band wagon, but I have not. I would never tell anyone they need to put their scales away. But scales for me became a security blanket that could help me keep the "slip ups" under control, not to stop slip ups, but to make sure they weren't getting out of hand, weight loss doesn't work this way, it's much better if you don't slip up, then there's nothing to check on.

I didn't trust myself, but I do now, I have put them away and I feel great about it. In almost a weeks time I'm not sure how I'll feel but for now I'm great.

And like I said in my diary, the number really doesn't matter that much, it going crazily up would not be good, but even if I stayed this same weight for ever and was still following my healthy routine, I would be a big person, but I would be a healthy one.

So to sum up, the scales are gone, I am working my a$$ off when I work out, as well I've started to incorporate weights into the whole thing this week. My diet is full of vegies and good wholesome home cooked food that I will continue to track every single morsel everyday and make sure I stay to points. Water, my old arch nemesis is now my friend, a glass with every meal and a few in between (I got there by not allowing any other type of liquid till I'd had my water for the day...lol) and lastly, kind of out of left field, I am making sure I am getting adequate sleep because that is the only thing last week that I wasn't doing right (thanks in part to a 3yo) so I'll keep working on that too.

All the best,
CJ