Hey anyone who comes by!
I have weighed in this morning and put on the 700g I lost last week exactly but I'm very happy with that, I knew i would need to do some adjusting after a week on my own and I'm very happy it's not a LOT of adjusting I have to do! lol I did lose another 3cm all over though. Also this week I've gone back to eating dinners at dinner time because I've been cooking them from scratch and really wanting to know what they were like. Every meal that I've made my daughter has helped me with in some way, in fact she would get quite upset when there were no more veggies to chop (of course the dinner goes down in front of her and she picks them out, loves them fresh, not so much cooked, but her dad picks stuff out too so what can I do??? lol), the fact is she is so excited about helping and about the meal to come, she's been so encouraging in her own little way I've been feeling so good about it all.
So meals from scratch will continue, again I have the week planned out, but I went for more lighter options. Adding to that Poppy and I will go for a walk every day this week, and I'm going to do 30mins of higher intensity cardio each day on top of that, and my 15mins of stretching because it's absolutely delicious!
We went for our first family bush walk yesterday, it was fantastic, I was so proud of Poppy she kept going for the hour and a bit and there were so so so many steps and she only needed to be carried up a few. She thought it was great and so did hubby, he actually said that once we were half way he only wished he'd been motivated enough to get out sooner (it wasn't real easy to get him to go) because he was really enjoying it and far preferred to do that than be sitting/sleeping, at home on the lounge. It also didn't hurt for him to see some of the amazing old guys (and girls, but particularly for him guys) that were walking back the other way past you and it's like a stroll in the park for them, on our way back up hubby was really struggling, he said later that he would really like to be one of those guys that are doing that well at such a ripe age, he is noticing he isn't as fit anymore and that's a great first step. He has always relied on those around him "being good" to have a flow on effect so he's being kinda good, he's never actually set out to do something for himself so that may just be in the pipe line...
And today my daughter fits into my old ballet shoes, her feet are just like mine, long and narrow, there is so much of her that is so much like I was. As much as it scares the hell out of me that she is so like me, I thank god that I am doing what I am doing and not only setting the best example that I can, but also providing some of the healthiest tools and habits that I can. Something I am becoming more aware of is that I have this weight on me still, I need it to be off so she has a mum that isn't so weighed down and visually not such a great example, she can chop up all the veggies in the world but seeing me at this size every day is not going to be the best thing for her, and maybe more importantly it's not the best thing for me. I am very conscious of loving me and not the opposite like I was for so long, I feel deep down that that is the best idea I could ever instill in her because loving yourself really makes it very hard to abuse yourself like I did for most of my life. Well I hope so anyway, but the point is this weight has to come off, I have to release it in order to be the best that I can be and so I will.
I still have no time for doubt and i really don't feel it so it didn't happen this week, keep watching because it will all come off.
Lots of love and positivity,
CJ
Monday, March 23, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
When I woke up this morning the first thing I did was think 'I want to get up and do an hour on the cross trainer' and I did! I got dressed (warmly it was freezing) and put in an hour on the crossy timer. I did it knowing I could go what ever rate I wanted, and do as much of it as I chose. When it was going to be converted to points I was pretty much wanting to get the most out of my time on it so I would be very stressed and pushing it.
I got on this morning with my ipod and went with the music, if it was a slower song I went slower, if it was quicker I went quicker, it was black eyed peas- monkey business, so I wasn't slacking but I WAS really enjoying it. The hour seemed to go in no time and I still finished with a pretty respectable avg heart rate. More than that I've gone out for a walk with my girl and played in the backyard and really enjoyed the sunshine that's been on offer today.
I feel positive and I've put really good fuel into my body and I feel capable of anything. I know this won't all be goodness and light the whole way but I'm having a great start.
Just today's update,
CJ
I got on this morning with my ipod and went with the music, if it was a slower song I went slower, if it was quicker I went quicker, it was black eyed peas- monkey business, so I wasn't slacking but I WAS really enjoying it. The hour seemed to go in no time and I still finished with a pretty respectable avg heart rate. More than that I've gone out for a walk with my girl and played in the backyard and really enjoyed the sunshine that's been on offer today.
I feel positive and I've put really good fuel into my body and I feel capable of anything. I know this won't all be goodness and light the whole way but I'm having a great start.
Just today's update,
CJ
Monday, March 16, 2009
A change for the better
Well, this is going to seem nuts after my last few posts but sometimes I am like this, I keep going with what I know while my head may be formulating something else. This is not a lack of stickingtoitiveness but this is my reality as it stands today.
I have been thinking something for quite some time and I have been refusing to say it out loud because I felt so strongly that it would be the end. But after a crazy fight with hubby last night I ended up in tears saying a lot that I have been keeping to myself, and among other things one thing kept playing through my head but it is what i have been so scared of saying.
I have been with weight watchers for over 3 years now I think, I have been actually doing the program for a year of that which started when I lost my last pregnancy, after 12 hellish weeks and a lot of being in hospital we lost that little boy, but those hellish weeks kept me so trapped I longed to be free and to use my body again and when we lost that bub I thought to myself, there is a reason for this, I might not have ever been meant to meet the little fella but maybe I needed his brief presence to give me that wake up call to get healthy.
That was March last year and in the first 10-12 weeks after that I lost 10kgs but since then it really hasn't gone any further despite the training, healthy eating and changes/epiphany's in thought. There is only so long that anyone does something without getting the results they want to see and as I was saying all this to my husband I finished with, I have gone long enough, I'm quitting the weight watchers program.
For so long these word signified failure to me, even right up to when they came out of my mouth, but as soon as they did I knew the truth and I went and wrote in my diary and will copy it verbatim here.
15.3.08
It's 11pm and this is officially my last hour of Weight Watchers.
I am giving the weight watchers program up. I am simply not getting the results I want. I have so much to say at this point in time so I will endeavour to get it out fluently.
Firstly in quitting, I am not giving up on my health, not at all. I did really think and feel that's what it would mean for all the time I've been thinking about it but I have finally verbalised the end. Something i was avoiding because I knew it would be the end. I'm at that end but all that is in my head is new beginnings.
My goals haven't really changed from 3 something years ago when I started. But they aren't being realised and it is more because of WW than a lack of it. (In that WW doesn't suit me, nothing is for everyone and I have got all I can, for those who are getting results then it is the thing for you)
The plan I am forming at this stage will involve me still weighing once a week and measuring and entering those weekly on WW and cal. king (which I have been doing for some time). But that will be it for tracking per se. At the moment I am thinking I will keep a combined food and exercise journal but not to make sure it's "right" more just to have a record to call back on if needed. Why is this better than what I have been doing? Because I will be able to be completely honest and have total freedom. My week ahead food wise is pre-planned and our dinners are from Jamie Olivers Ministry of Food. I would rather aim at striking a balance over the week by keeping portions on the smaller side and alternating lighter and heavier meals.
Mon-Korma, Tues-Fish cakes and steamed greens, Wed-Chicken stroganoff, Thurs-Spaghetti in classic tomato sauce, Fri-home made burgers and wedges. Eating just what I need to be satisfied, having lighter meals thrown in and cooking from scratch seems more like something I can do forever rather than be trying to find the replacement for coconut milk. (I bought the light one today anyway lol, I still buy all light)
When it all boils down to it, a) I want to feel good like I do when I being healthy, and b) I want to set the best possible example for Poppy. That's all that really matters.
Cooking things from scratch instead of using a jar because it's easier to track is a better example.
Learning how great cooking your own healthy food is and enjoying everything, from the shopping for the veggies (or growing them) to sitting at the table and eating the final product, instead of it all being a chore is a better example.
Spending the extra time together in both food and exercise instead of all the planning on the computer is a better example.
Getting outdoors together and enjoying activities together instead of feeling the pressure to always get a better heart rate, ergo, only going for solitary walks or going so nuts on the crossy that I can't do anything but sit on my ass for the rest of the day is a better example.
Spending 95% of my time discovering my own happiness and influencing my daughters instead of devoting that 95% to my weight alone is a much better example.
I just want to be able to feel like I can enjoy a sleep in with hubby on a Saturday morning, letting Poppy come in to snuggle me awake and then all doing something active together for the day instead of getting up with the alarm to work out for an hour before our day starts.
I want to occasionally go out with my family and order what I truly think will be the most delicious and fulfilling. Not to be unhealthy but to not be deprived, sensible without the stress. That would be so nice.
I do not think these are the ramblings of an unhealthy head space. I just want to live a little more and have some space to work on other things. One that comes to mind is that I want to be more decisive. Down the track this assists in all sorts of aspect of my life, immediately it results in me being more open to myself.
I feel really good for all this, i feel a sense of release that is actually making me feel quite sleepy so I will go with that and leave this now. But this marks the start of a new chapter, I think it will involve me being more in touch with me, listening to my body and being lots happier.
Goodnight,
CJ
Okay, so there it is. Reading it back to put it on here makes me sound like I'm down on WW but I'm not, it's the best 'program' out there, but me on it is not a good thing, I have made it an unhealthy thing in my life and have been doing so for so long that I don't think I can make any change to how I work on it. What I have done is learnt a lot and have gained such huge respect for myself. I am proud of me, I deserve health and to be happy.
I know there will be those who will be thinking that I am going to fail now, "quitting is the only failure" but I won't and you keep your eyes on my tracker, I will prove to you that I will get to my goal. I also know there will be those of you that think that I was the one that got myself fat in the first place, how can I think I can trust myself now. Well I can, I know I can, I have simply changed and just know I will be okay doing this so you watch this space too.
Today I have been making healthy food choices, playing with my girl in the sun and doing some great very healthy shopping. Writing down the egg on toast, piece of fruit and bottle of water for breaky, a half a box of chicken with veggies and egg noodles in oyster sauce that we ate at the park and the playing in the park with poppy in my journal is so much more fulfilling and good for my heart than trying to figure out what points it's worth.
Planned for the rest of the day is a walk with my girl and the dog, then chopping ingredients for dinner together and sitting at the table with our dinner and just enjoying each others company before we start another day.
I lost 700g this week and 3cm all over in the last week so I will update my little thingy if i can work it out and I'll sign off for today.
Health and positivity to all who come by here,
CJ
I have been thinking something for quite some time and I have been refusing to say it out loud because I felt so strongly that it would be the end. But after a crazy fight with hubby last night I ended up in tears saying a lot that I have been keeping to myself, and among other things one thing kept playing through my head but it is what i have been so scared of saying.
I have been with weight watchers for over 3 years now I think, I have been actually doing the program for a year of that which started when I lost my last pregnancy, after 12 hellish weeks and a lot of being in hospital we lost that little boy, but those hellish weeks kept me so trapped I longed to be free and to use my body again and when we lost that bub I thought to myself, there is a reason for this, I might not have ever been meant to meet the little fella but maybe I needed his brief presence to give me that wake up call to get healthy.
That was March last year and in the first 10-12 weeks after that I lost 10kgs but since then it really hasn't gone any further despite the training, healthy eating and changes/epiphany's in thought. There is only so long that anyone does something without getting the results they want to see and as I was saying all this to my husband I finished with, I have gone long enough, I'm quitting the weight watchers program.
For so long these word signified failure to me, even right up to when they came out of my mouth, but as soon as they did I knew the truth and I went and wrote in my diary and will copy it verbatim here.
15.3.08
It's 11pm and this is officially my last hour of Weight Watchers.
I am giving the weight watchers program up. I am simply not getting the results I want. I have so much to say at this point in time so I will endeavour to get it out fluently.
Firstly in quitting, I am not giving up on my health, not at all. I did really think and feel that's what it would mean for all the time I've been thinking about it but I have finally verbalised the end. Something i was avoiding because I knew it would be the end. I'm at that end but all that is in my head is new beginnings.
My goals haven't really changed from 3 something years ago when I started. But they aren't being realised and it is more because of WW than a lack of it. (In that WW doesn't suit me, nothing is for everyone and I have got all I can, for those who are getting results then it is the thing for you)
The plan I am forming at this stage will involve me still weighing once a week and measuring and entering those weekly on WW and cal. king (which I have been doing for some time). But that will be it for tracking per se. At the moment I am thinking I will keep a combined food and exercise journal but not to make sure it's "right" more just to have a record to call back on if needed. Why is this better than what I have been doing? Because I will be able to be completely honest and have total freedom. My week ahead food wise is pre-planned and our dinners are from Jamie Olivers Ministry of Food. I would rather aim at striking a balance over the week by keeping portions on the smaller side and alternating lighter and heavier meals.
Mon-Korma, Tues-Fish cakes and steamed greens, Wed-Chicken stroganoff, Thurs-Spaghetti in classic tomato sauce, Fri-home made burgers and wedges. Eating just what I need to be satisfied, having lighter meals thrown in and cooking from scratch seems more like something I can do forever rather than be trying to find the replacement for coconut milk. (I bought the light one today anyway lol, I still buy all light)
When it all boils down to it, a) I want to feel good like I do when I being healthy, and b) I want to set the best possible example for Poppy. That's all that really matters.
Cooking things from scratch instead of using a jar because it's easier to track is a better example.
Learning how great cooking your own healthy food is and enjoying everything, from the shopping for the veggies (or growing them) to sitting at the table and eating the final product, instead of it all being a chore is a better example.
Spending the extra time together in both food and exercise instead of all the planning on the computer is a better example.
Getting outdoors together and enjoying activities together instead of feeling the pressure to always get a better heart rate, ergo, only going for solitary walks or going so nuts on the crossy that I can't do anything but sit on my ass for the rest of the day is a better example.
Spending 95% of my time discovering my own happiness and influencing my daughters instead of devoting that 95% to my weight alone is a much better example.
I just want to be able to feel like I can enjoy a sleep in with hubby on a Saturday morning, letting Poppy come in to snuggle me awake and then all doing something active together for the day instead of getting up with the alarm to work out for an hour before our day starts.
I want to occasionally go out with my family and order what I truly think will be the most delicious and fulfilling. Not to be unhealthy but to not be deprived, sensible without the stress. That would be so nice.
I do not think these are the ramblings of an unhealthy head space. I just want to live a little more and have some space to work on other things. One that comes to mind is that I want to be more decisive. Down the track this assists in all sorts of aspect of my life, immediately it results in me being more open to myself.
I feel really good for all this, i feel a sense of release that is actually making me feel quite sleepy so I will go with that and leave this now. But this marks the start of a new chapter, I think it will involve me being more in touch with me, listening to my body and being lots happier.
Goodnight,
CJ
Okay, so there it is. Reading it back to put it on here makes me sound like I'm down on WW but I'm not, it's the best 'program' out there, but me on it is not a good thing, I have made it an unhealthy thing in my life and have been doing so for so long that I don't think I can make any change to how I work on it. What I have done is learnt a lot and have gained such huge respect for myself. I am proud of me, I deserve health and to be happy.
I know there will be those who will be thinking that I am going to fail now, "quitting is the only failure" but I won't and you keep your eyes on my tracker, I will prove to you that I will get to my goal. I also know there will be those of you that think that I was the one that got myself fat in the first place, how can I think I can trust myself now. Well I can, I know I can, I have simply changed and just know I will be okay doing this so you watch this space too.
Today I have been making healthy food choices, playing with my girl in the sun and doing some great very healthy shopping. Writing down the egg on toast, piece of fruit and bottle of water for breaky, a half a box of chicken with veggies and egg noodles in oyster sauce that we ate at the park and the playing in the park with poppy in my journal is so much more fulfilling and good for my heart than trying to figure out what points it's worth.
Planned for the rest of the day is a walk with my girl and the dog, then chopping ingredients for dinner together and sitting at the table with our dinner and just enjoying each others company before we start another day.
I lost 700g this week and 3cm all over in the last week so I will update my little thingy if i can work it out and I'll sign off for today.
Health and positivity to all who come by here,
CJ
Friday, March 13, 2009
Checking in.
I spent 2hrs walking around looking for my (stupid) dog, so I'll tick 40mins of exercise as done.
I haven't been very hungry tonight and I have finished with 3 points to spare.
Lots of water
I did have a few minutes to just sit quietly in a park by myself to eat a sandwich and enjoy the rain, lol.
Focus has been excellent.
I'm going to go meditate right this minute!
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE
CJ
I spent 2hrs walking around looking for my (stupid) dog, so I'll tick 40mins of exercise as done.
I haven't been very hungry tonight and I have finished with 3 points to spare.
Lots of water
I did have a few minutes to just sit quietly in a park by myself to eat a sandwich and enjoy the rain, lol.
Focus has been excellent.
I'm going to go meditate right this minute!
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE
CJ
Thursday, March 12, 2009
How have I done today?
Exercise- I got up at 7am, with my new tunes on my ipod I got going on crossy for a 30min work out, listening to Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas totally got me going and I ended with an average heart rate of 147, a good 20 beats up on my usual average. I will do another 30 mins of the fat burner program tonight (the morning one must be manual so the gradient doesn't change, it's too noisy and wakes the girl up) so I am mixing it up, intensifying and increasing how much I do in a day today.
Saved points- I pre-tracked breakfast, lunch and dinner this morning and I have absolutely stuck to it, after dinner tonight i will have 2.5 points left of my 25 for some fruit if I need it otherwise they will join the exercise points today (about 7.5 in total for today I'm estimating).
Tracking/Water- I can tell you I've had exactly 1.1litres of water so far today and I have stuck to me pre-tracked and weighed everything that has gone in my mouth today.
For me- I spent most of my day today walking around shops, it is one week till the kings of leon concert and I went out to get a top, I found a top but it would need a new pair of jeans, so I went looking before I bought the top, couldn't find any jeans (needed them dark and short..lol) went back to the top shop and ended up buying a totally different top but it goes with what i got so I'm very happy. Something just for me and a bit of incidental exercise as well.
Keeping it simple- If I don't know the points, it doesn't go in.
I usually meditate at night before sleep or in the morning after sleep, I did some on both sides of last night. I am just focusing on being calm and centered, feeling whole and capable, they are things that last through the day and I really need this bit of head time.
Okay, much to do, I'm so glad I was told to get a life!
Cheers
CJ
Exercise- I got up at 7am, with my new tunes on my ipod I got going on crossy for a 30min work out, listening to Pump It by the Black Eyed Peas totally got me going and I ended with an average heart rate of 147, a good 20 beats up on my usual average. I will do another 30 mins of the fat burner program tonight (the morning one must be manual so the gradient doesn't change, it's too noisy and wakes the girl up) so I am mixing it up, intensifying and increasing how much I do in a day today.
Saved points- I pre-tracked breakfast, lunch and dinner this morning and I have absolutely stuck to it, after dinner tonight i will have 2.5 points left of my 25 for some fruit if I need it otherwise they will join the exercise points today (about 7.5 in total for today I'm estimating).
Tracking/Water- I can tell you I've had exactly 1.1litres of water so far today and I have stuck to me pre-tracked and weighed everything that has gone in my mouth today.
For me- I spent most of my day today walking around shops, it is one week till the kings of leon concert and I went out to get a top, I found a top but it would need a new pair of jeans, so I went looking before I bought the top, couldn't find any jeans (needed them dark and short..lol) went back to the top shop and ended up buying a totally different top but it goes with what i got so I'm very happy. Something just for me and a bit of incidental exercise as well.
Keeping it simple- If I don't know the points, it doesn't go in.
I usually meditate at night before sleep or in the morning after sleep, I did some on both sides of last night. I am just focusing on being calm and centered, feeling whole and capable, they are things that last through the day and I really need this bit of head time.
Okay, much to do, I'm so glad I was told to get a life!
Cheers
CJ
My Seven Commandments-
My seven commandments:
1. 40mins minimum of exercise over the course of the day, per day.
2. Have saved points at the end of the week.
3. Weigh, measure and track everything.
4. Drink water, drink water, drink water.
5. Do something i enjoy every day.
6. Focus and don't mess around with the plan, keep it simple.
7. Meditate a little each day.
Each day (starting today, the 12th of March 2009) I will keep an account of how I stick with these commandments and what effect they are having on my health and well being.
CJ
1. 40mins minimum of exercise over the course of the day, per day.
2. Have saved points at the end of the week.
3. Weigh, measure and track everything.
4. Drink water, drink water, drink water.
5. Do something i enjoy every day.
6. Focus and don't mess around with the plan, keep it simple.
7. Meditate a little each day.
Each day (starting today, the 12th of March 2009) I will keep an account of how I stick with these commandments and what effect they are having on my health and well being.
CJ
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